Running to a Stand Still by Pan Bourcier Hidalgo

Have you ever been so discouraged, so tired and so far to the end of your rope that you just wanted to throw yourself on the floor and not get up? I have many, many, times quite literally
thrown myself on the floor and not wanted to get up, but eventually I did. I dragged my feet at first but gained my strength back and was able to push
through. However, there were definitely those times where I did give up and even ran away. I have done my fair share of avoiding in my lifetime. I still indulge in ignoring and avoiding from time to time when the volume gets to loud on life. I would very much like to turn the volume down, but life goes pulsing on with or without you.

There were the times though that I pushed through and I conquered and these were the times that I expanded and felt completely empowered. I am grateful for the times that I have been relentless in life, because when I truly want something I never give up on it. One of the things that I have truly wanted was to be patient, but patience comes at a very high price for me. Patience comes with practice and I didn’t know what this meant until I slowed down long enough to see what I was really running from. I was running away from all of the
things that I thought made me feel weak or unlovable. Most of us have the goblin in the closet that feeds us lies under the door. He tells us that there is some “imperfection” that we have that is going to ruin us if anyone finds out. Make us unlovable and ugly in the eyes of others. As long as we don’t think we are ugly, that is the important thing.

If the greatest successes in life were easy to reach then everyone would be on top of the world. It takes strength, perseverance, and determination to climb the peaks that hold the deepest treasures of life. At the top of the mountain there is a wise old sage and he is holding a mirror and eventually we see that we were there all along. To be with one’s self through this entire journey of life is ineffable. So after running for a long time, I find that I would rather sit and see what happens when I finally catch up to myself. I will be waiting for me at the top of the mountain having tea with the wise old sage.

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Pan Bourcier Hidalgo is a Dancer who is originally from Albuquerque, New Mexico. She has relocated and embarked on a journey of discovery in New Orleans, Louisiana. Join her as she learns about her new city and herself in Pan’s Labyrinth!

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