Bernice (AKA Five) by Hakim Bellamy
for Martin Luther King Jr. National Holiday 2016
I agree.
Daddy was a socialist.
He gave it all,
to everyone. Belonged
to every body. Didn’t save any,
for me.
He made a rotten messiah,
couldn’t even save
himself.
When they hung our family a cross
in our front yard,
I thought it was a jungle gym,
until they called him “Jungle”
Jim.
The way it lit,
felt like perpetual Christmas Eve.
Like Groundhog Deja Vu…
like tomorrow is never
quite Christmas Morning
again. Like Jesus was never born,
again. Like tomorrow is never.
Again. But today adults say the meanest things,
like “Santa is never bringing you
your Daddy back.”
When they hung his marriage
on a cross in our front yard.
My mother was on fire.
But she never made a sound.
Neither did I.
Not even when they burned an effigy
of me on the front lawn.
Chanting, “One little girls! One little girls!…”
Most kids my age
are certain they will live for ever,
but my evidence to the contrary
is the empty chair at the head
of the table.
But daddy
was a good sharer,
ask mom.
He gave it up.
So, I gave him up
long before being properly taught
how to share.
He always belonged to them
and God and history books.
Never to me. I belong to
magazine covers and mommy’s lap.
To this very day
I still wish I
was the girl of his dreams.
But everyone believed in them.
Everyone believed in him.
Unlike them,
I was unable to believe in Daddy’s disappearing act.
Unlike him,
I was unable to believe in things I couldn’t see.
But I can do them one better, and LOVE him
instead.
Love him to death.
Even if I cannot make believe he’s alive.
My unopened gift
snatched from underneath the King Family Tree,
finally found one morning hung,
on a balcony in Memphis, Tennessee
like an ornament.
5 is too young to be told
you must share everything you have with the world
because Daddys are dying in Africa
and who the hell do you think you are?
That year, I learned that Christmas
in April, is called Easter. That the Holy Book
is predictable. That some people
are born for only one purpose.
I learned “socialist” doesn’t mean share,
it means sacrifice.
And that’s not fair.
* Originally published on January 17, 2016 on Mr. Bellamy’s Website, Be-Side
© Hakim Bellamy January 17,2016
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Hakim Bellamy
Hakim Bellamy is Albuquerque’s Inaugural Poet Laureate. He is also a scholar, educator, musician, and poet. Community Publishing has published Hakim Bellamy’s Samuel’s Story, a multimedia children’s story featuring the music of DJ Flo Fader and the illustrations of Melvin Mayes available in Print and Digital editions.
Community Publishing brings local artists of all mediums together in creative collaborations for distribution as Multimedia Books while promoting literacy in our communities. We are proud to be a community partner and digital marketer at the Rail Yards Market and the Monte Vista Fire Station. Need help with your web presence and social media marketing? Click here to find out how we can help you!
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