Like many Americans, I passed the weeks and months leading up to and following the November Presidential Election in a state of high stress and anxiety. Unlike many Americans, I don’t have the luxury of living in a bubble where everyone I interact with agrees with me. I have coworkers who are split 50/50 along political lines and are not afraid to express themselves. I also am lucky enough to sing in a band (Reviva), where the vote is not unanimous as we all come from different backgrounds. God only knows how we have stayed together for 11 years!
When discussing politics with people you are intimately connected to, nothing is off limits. Anything from who is the better looking First Lady to why Republicans love big trucks is fair game. While it can be difficult at times to be so close to people who have a completely different worldview and set of priorities than you, I ultimately believe that it is the most important factor for having a healthy democracy.
Hopes for a Better Day
On Election Day, I opted for a late afternoon golf round with a friend to distract myself from the tension. As we were a pair of 2, we were paired with a third young man walking solo who needed a group. The man wore a Blue Lives Matter hat with a MAGA pin, clearly demonstrating his stance on the day. While it was probably best not to get into a deep political conversation given the stakes at hand, we both agreed that the military helicopters flying overhead to spot protestors were probably unnecessary given that we wouldn’t learn the outcome of the election for a few days. Despite our differences of opinion, we made great conversation over nine holes discussing basketball, golf swings, which player would be favored at The Masters, and more. It turned out that his brother was a legendary basketball player for Kirtland Central, who I knew well as we grew up in the ranks together.
Our match ended amicably, with each of wishing one another good luck and safe travels. Upon finishing, I stopped by my father’s house mask-on, as I do everywhere I go, to have a quick few glasses of wine. What looked might be a Biden run-away victory turned into a nail-biter that signaled my PTSD from the Tuesday night 4 years ago. The two quick glasses of wine turned into 5 that left me with a foggy and uncertain feeling Wednesday morning that closely mirrored the state of the race.
As the week wore on, it became clear to most people around the world who won the election. While I was without a doubt relieved at the outcome, it was also more clear than ever how divided we are as a country.. As I observed a celebration parade on Saturday in Albuquerque, it was hard not to notice as people of both parties waved their flags, often shouted at one another, and found little common ground. I’ve been reflecting on this phenomenon in the U.S. for years now, thinking back to my time as a university student during the Bush-Gore Florida recount. While I was disappointed Bush had won, I didn’t feel personally like it was the end of the world.
Celebrating the Obama Presidency was a memorable night for me, one I mostly passed in disbelief that we had finally elected a Black President. When Trump won in 2016, however, something felt different. It felt like it was about more than politics. I am 100% percent sure that many Trump supporters feel this way right now about their candidate losing. Regardless of who you voted for, more Americans than ever feel pessimistic about the future of our democracy. It is an experiment which is based upon a very careful balance between personal liberty and the greater common good. As of now, it seems to me that we have tilted too far towards emphasizing individual freedom and perspective without taking into account the overall wellbeing of all members of our nation.
The Singularity within the Duality
We have become a dualistic nation, where you must choose between one or the other. We are either Red or Blue, Black Lives Matter or Blue Lives Matter, Socialist or Fascist, Christian or Atheist. The labels that the media and we in social media use to describe ourselves as human beings simply does not do justice to how complex we are as individuals.
Most human beings have basic needs in order to be happy: food, water, a home, a job and education, protection from the healthcare system and law enforcement, and family and friends that we can spend time on this Earth with. Other than that, we are shaped by the environment we grow up in. This includes the food we grow and eat, the music and art we like and identify with, the traditions and customs we celebrate, and the morals and values that are taught to us by our families and ancestors.
The thing about duality is that you need one in order to have the other. There is no good without bad, light without dark, small without large, or full without empty. What this means, unfortunately for extremists on either side, is that we need each other in order to exist.
Friendships
The good news is that I have found my hardcore Trump supporting neighbor to be a generally good guy who is merely frustrated about not having some of his basic needs met after being recently laid off. He doesn’t think that government should play such a big role in our daily lives, yet is still concerned about losing his healthcare at any moment. The other day he stopped by, mask on, to cheers and wish the new Administration the best of luck in dealing with the many challenges that face us. Our dogs played in the dog park together for a bit with pure joy, despite their differences in age and breed.
Later that night I spoke with a good friend living abroad who supported Bernie but didn’t vote. Although she was disappointed that we haven’t made more progress as a country on climate change, she was proud of the fact that somehow, through all of this, we got through an election together without resorting to violence or despair. It was then that I had somewhat of an epiphany….we as human beings all go through the process of living, learning, loving, suffering, losing, and dying. That is something that politics can never change, no matter how divided we become.
Love Thy Neighbor
Maybe it really is much better to love thy neighbor, as they say, than to cancel them for who they are. Once we are able to safely engage others personally (fingers crossed if we vaccinate), I encourage all of us to reach out to someone from the other side. Play a round of golf, exchange a recipe, have a cordial conversation and listen to one another. After all, we don’t grow by being with those who think alike, but by being challenged by someone who thinks and prays differently than you…we might not just learn something from each other, but also save our democracy.
Find about more about Chris Brennan and access his previous articles.
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