The Lost and Found: Self-Deception & the Need for Self-Actualization by Chessa Peak
Part 1 of 3 part series
According to Merriam-Webster, the term self-deceit is defined as “dishonest behavior meant to fool or trick yourself”. Though the problem of self-deception is rarely publically addressed, the benefits of talking about this relatively undiscussed issue could assist many in seeing the importance of self-actualization. The concept of self-actualization may be familiar to some and completely foreign to others. Acting in accordance with self-awareness is a life skill that many may be searching for to gain lasting happiness and inner peace. So then one must ask themselves the question, “What does it mean to be self-actualizing?” The term self-actualize as defined by Merriam-Webster is “to realize fully one’s potential”. This paper will discuss the consequences of self-deceit and some of the ways people deceive themselves as well as the benefits and need to embrace the concept of self-actualization.
People lie to themselves and each other every day. By acting out of character in order to impress the opposite sex, to lying about personal achievements in order be viewed with admiration, to staying in an unhealthy relationship and rationalizing the ways we believe it to be love, we all lie to ourselves. “All forms of lying—including white lies meant to spare the feelings of others—are associated with poorer-quality relationships” 
(Shermer). One could argue then that the need to lie stems from a deep need to be ok, to be accepted, or that we are better than what we actually feel internally. When we do not act in the best interest of what is relevant and important to ourselves we begin to betray who we are. We rationalize reasons to stay in situations that are not beneficial to our well-being. We tell ourselves we’re ok when we are not. By denying the importance of yourself to yourself, a sense of dissonance and a feeling of being at disharmony with one’s self can grow into a spiral of self-defeating behaviors and attitudes with no seeming end. When a person acts against what they believe is right for them, an internal tension is born. Through self-deceit this tension can manifest as resentment, fear, anger, excuse making, blaming, aversion, and self-hatred. As humans we all learn from the time we’re born to deceive in order to get what we want such as a baby crying when it thinks a parent is near in order to be shown attention. It’s natural to lie but as humans we possess the conscious ability to lie to greater or lesser degrees. So, at what point does self-deceit become self-betrayal?
It is when we begin to believe half-truths, “messages that conceal the whole truth and withhold pieces of information to minimize effect.”(Guthrie) that we begin to betray ourselves. One example of this may be justifying a person’s dishonorable actions against you because you have made a 
decision to stay in a relationship with them. One could tell themselves, “It’s just the way they are.” rather than insisting on proper treatment that is reasonable and right for them. Another example would be a woman who comes off as angry all the time to her mate. If the woman’s needs are not being meet despite her best attempts, she is living out of harmony with herself because she is living a half truth. This kind of internal unrest will grow into further resentments until the situation is resolved either through separation or mutual acknowledgment and determination to work together to correct the situation. Recognizing the importance of maintaining personal integrity is one way to correct the damage caused by self-betraying thoughts and actions. When you fail to maintain your integrity the effects of self-betrayal will wear deep tracks into all facets of life and can contribute to depression, PTSD, and abusive tendencies. Self-betrayal inevitable leads a person to stop trusting their own ability to make sound decisions for them self. Students are taught that some of the most effective ways of learning are visually and through rhythm and repetition. It is no wonder when we live in dysfunctional environments we become what we keep with.
References for the Lost and Found articles can be found here.
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Chessa Peak has been in New Mexico since the age of 4 and is an honorary New Mexican. A bartender of over 10 years in the Duke City, musician, entreprenuer, and current student at CNM, Chessa is now currently working towards her own non-profit group that will support literacy, art and music programs for Albuquerque residents and her immediate community. Having come through a negative past, her writings deeply reflect the nature of her personal struggles in an attempt to help others overcome their personal battles.
Community Publishing brings local artists of all mediums together in creative collaborations for distribution as multimedia books while promoting literacy in our communities. #JoinOurCommunity at http://communitypublishing.org We are proud to be Marketers for the Rail Yards Market.
